Every part of me has become complacent.
I have no desire to strive for much recently. I believe it has to do with the fact that I know that my existence, for now, does not influence anyone. I believed in a lot of things. The thought that having people around was important has faded, and the people I thought would care to have me around, which is anyone really, actually haven’t. I mean what do I have to do to actually have someone worry and or care about me. Am I difficult? Do I annoy people? Have I been disrespectful? I find monotony in my life but even if I try to change it, it won’t matter. People cancel on me or do not desire to spend waste any time on my being. I took the time to notice that NO ONE ever messages me. Why is it my duty to contact people. They don’t believe me when I say I’ll be here to listen. I’m just another constant, disappointing figure of no one. Why should I take the time to care for those who don’t care about me.
This is no way reflects any depressed or sad behavior. It is all facts. I was past depression a long time ago. Feelings are rare now. Not that I won’t laugh or anything at things that may arise or be sad if I see something that does make me feel that way, but I can’t feel anything for any sort of change in my life.
I have lost the hope of people so I have no way of being disappointed, I don’t expect anything whatsoever from them.
My fear is no longer being alone.
My fear is becoming emotionless.
